Review: Talk British to Me (Wherever You Go #1) by Robin Bielman

June 17, 2017 Review 0

Review: Talk British to Me (Wherever You Go #1) by Robin Bielman

As the Dating Guy on L.A.‘s top morning show, I give the single guy’s perspective on dating, love, and sex—and I give great advice. Everyone’s hooking up…well, except for me. Sure, I can get any woman I want, but I’ve got a “no relationship” clause in my contract and the only woman I want has “relationship” written all over her. Probably stamped on her ass, too. And wouldn’t I like to confirm that.

Unfortunately, she wants nothing to do with me. At all. Something about the next Ice Age might have even come up in her rebuttal. Adorable. Because she’s determined to ignore what one simple kiss proved: she wants me as badly as I want her.

Everything in me is screaming to go after her, but I’ve got a secret that I’m fairly certain will end up with her roasting my nuts over an open fire. So, job on the line? Check. Nuts on the line? Check. Can’t get her out of my head? Nail…meet coffin. But what a way to go…

Title: Talk British to Me
Author: Robin Bielman
Published by Entangled Publishing, Escape Publishing
Source: Publisher
Published: June 19, 2017
Genres: Contemporary Romance
Pages: 345
See the title at Goodreads
Purchase your copy: Amazon
Visit the Author's Website
Visit the Goodreads Series Page

Stars: one-star
Flames: four-flames
I received this book for free from the Publisher or Author in exchange for an honest review, or I purchased it with my own funds. This does not affect my opinion of the book or the content of my review.
300 Review

Here’s what I got from the blurb: A rather overconfident man, dubbed “The Dating Guy” on his popular morning radio show, meets his match in a forever kind of woman.

Here’s what I got from reading the book: An unjustifiably overconfident young man of 23, dubbed “The Dating Guy” on his popular 5 minute radio bit, meets a sweet young woman making her way in the world.

Okay. As you might see, I had some problems with this one.

First off, what 23 year old guy knows exactly what attracts (and keeps) a woman? Listening to Mateo’s point of view (this book alternates POV from Mateo to Teague), he truly believes he’s God’s gift to women. “I’m hot. I’m smart. I’m funny. My abs are killer (I’ll post another pic of them on Instagram, and I’ll even respond to some of the comments because I’m so awesome!). I’m protective, but not too protective. I would do anything for my family, even though my mom comes off as kind of mean. I’m really nice, though. I’m a great friend. I’m basically the unicorn every woman wishes was in her pants. Sorry, but it’s true.” Some version of this is said in nearly ALL of his chapters. It got old REALLY fast, and I have to say, he didn’t live up to the hype. He doesn’t work (aside from the radio gig) because he comes from a lot of money. Of course, to make him less douchey, he donates his time to a soccer charity for kids. (I didn’t buy that at all; it was just too much perceived perfection.) Of course, he’s great with kids, as is shown through his interactions with his 6 year old neighbor. His fatal flaw? Well, his girlfriend in college left him for his friend when he broke his leg (thus ending his career aspirations of becoming a professional soccer star).

Um…seriously? First heartbreak is hard. But this guy made it seem like it was the end of his world forever and ever and, like, everrrrrrrrrr. (I’m trying hard not to roll my eyes. I’m failing.)

Okay. Maybe I’m in a different place in my life…but I think the reality is, I was never in Mateo’s place in his life. He’s written to be the most perfect guy ever, and his only hang up is that he’s contractually obligated to remain single. Uh…really? As an adult, this is utter crap. I can’t even suspend belief for this, and the reason why is because the author tried to make him so super-duper perfect that this feels too contrived. “Sorry readers. I know he’s too good to be true. And he can’t commit to Teague because he’s contractually obligated not to, so it’s not his fault. So see? He still really is perfect.” Ugh. Just no. He had no substance! He’s nothing but a great set of abs, topped with killer dimples and an ego the size of California.

In contrast, I did like Teague. She was well-written, and I loved watching her navigate the world outside the safety net of her family. She had some great inner dialogue, and watching her grow her backbone in her corporate world was wonderful and refreshingly real. Her idealistic dreams of becoming a travel blogger were so great; I mean, what adventure-loving kid wouldn’t want that kind of a gig? I had two hangups with Teague: the first was that she also was a bit too perfect. Mateo (and her best friend, Harper) raves about her “perfect round tits” and her “perfect ass” ALL. THE. TIME. Yet she never goes to the gym or goes for a run. In fact, she doesn’t have time for any of that between two jobs and taking an online class…yet she shoves down all sorts of bad-for-you foods like cupcakes and fries. The second hangup was her job. In her crazy hectic life, she somehow never drops the ball with her overly demanding and bitchy boss who throws out twenty to-do items with terminology Teague can’t possibly understand in her first two minutes at her new job. Uh, what? Missed opportunity here to see how Teague would bounce back from a professional failure. Instead, she excels at everything (bringing me back to issue #1 – the ridiculous perfection).

So, I didn’t realize this book was New Adult when I started reading it. If Mateo was older and had some real life experience behind him (and maybe a real fatal flaw), I could get behind this novel. Alas, all I saw was the author setting up her bright-eyed readership of new adults to expect perfection in real life while being perfection in real life, because that’s the only way they’re ever going to be happy, right? Here’s the thing. I’m not a fan of the New Adult genre in general. But I’ve read some good ones where the characters are messy, because real life is messy. And those books take you through the roller coaster of emotions of first jobs, standing on your own two shaky feet, and making the rent on time – all while dealing with intense feelings in a new relationship. This book did not do any of that. What it did do is perpetuate the myth that only the best-looking and most popular kids get it all based solely on good looks and charm. What I’m looking for in my reading is simple: a redeemable flaw in the characters, a feeling that the characters will have their happy ever after, and faith that while the world might be messed up, love will always be a shining star.

Sadly, this book did not deliver on any of those.

1 star.

 

Avon Romance
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